Websites: Fertile Hope and Remarkable Robbie
Blogging for: 2 + years
Occupation: Network support, but currently a stay-at-home mom for the next year
Favorite food: “I could eat Mexican food everyday!”
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“Stick with it until you’ve exhausted your options. And if your journey doesn’t end with a biological child, don’t feel defeated. You’re a solider in the battle. You matter.”
What motivated you to start blogging about your fertility experiences?
I’ve always been one to write through the pain. As a teenager, I wrote angsty (awful!) poetry. Then as an adult, I tinkered with a journal here and there but nothing ever really stuck.
At age 30, I spent over a year in the process of trying to have a baby and also experienced my first miscarriage. I was hurting and felt like I really had nowhere to go with the dark thoughts that filled my head. My husband didn’t seem nearly as troubled by the jealousy and grief as I was. I needed a place to get it out.
When I started, I didn’t expect anyone to read. For a while, I didn’t tell anyone I knew (even online friends) about the blog. It was just for me. That changed later – but in the beginning, it was just a much-needed emotional release.
What was your motivation for getting and remaining involved with the online fertility community?
Getting involved was a gradual process. I made an online friend (on a message board that had nothing to do with babies or even health) who had been through some infertility testing and treatment and suffered a miscarriage. I’d gotten to know a little about fertility issues during her trials. Naturally, when my husband and I started trying to conceive, I asked her questions. As it became more apparent that we were having trouble, she referred me to a few communities – which became nothing short of an obsession.
After that, staying involved wasn’t a choice. Even after my son was born, I’d simply made too many friends to leave. Plus, my son was born extremely premature and those community members had rallied their support in spite of their own issues with getting and staying pregnant. They weren’t just a “community” anymore – they were my friends.
What additional encouragement and/or advice would you offer to those experiencing infertility?
I try to not offer too much advice because the usual “advice” is often nonsense (the blogging community often calls it “assvice” because it’s useless). During our struggles, I thought if I heard “just relax” one more time, I might turn to homicide.
As for encouragement, all I can offer is a view from the other side. It IS worth it. Our path was easier than some and harder than others. And our foray into parenthood hasn’t been an easy one by any means. (Our son was born 14 weeks early and spent his first 3 months of life in a hospital. He still suffers some medical issues.) But I can say with confidence that it is worth it.
I liked to think of infertility as the enemy – I personified it and refused to let it win. Sometimes that meant that I couldn’t take a break cycle when we probably needed one, but it’s also what kept me from giving up.
Stick with it until you’ve exhausted your options. And if your journey doesn’t end with a biological child, don’t feel defeated. You’re a solider in the battle. You matter.
What has been the most rewarding part of it all?
That one is easy – my son, Robbie.
Learn more about Trish
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